over the course of a single day so much happened and yet we all managed to survive

it's over. i'm finally finished.

i'll give up everything i've strived to achieve, everything i've been fighting for.

but when you think about it—and i mean really think about it—does any of this matter? do you remember what you did when you were 16?





"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so"
- Douglas Adams

dismantle the moon

i'm sick of pretenses, why can't people say what they think?

i hate it when you talk down to me.

i'm scared of the future.

i stole your lucky bracelet, and then i lost it.

your smile makes me smile.

i get to school late and leave early because i hate being there.

sarcasm is the reason i don't love you.

i hate it when you tell me what i should do; i'll figure it out for myself, i may make a few mistakes along the way, but i'll know i did it on my own.

how about i lie a little less and you lie a little less.





"It's time for a mental health day. So conjugate this: I cut class. You cut class. He/she/it cuts class"
- Laurie Halse Anderson, Melinda Sordino, 'Speak'

self destruction sequence initiated

i want to see you.

i know it's only been a week, but after hearing your voice on the phone...

i went three months without seeing you, talking to you, thinking about you.

you just had to come over last week, didn't you? i was doing so well, i had almost stopped thinking about you. you have someone else, why can't i just forget about you?

why can't you see the way i feel about you? why is everthing so hard when it comes to you?

please do me a favour and stay away, because i know i won't be able to control myself.





"Worry is a misuse of imagination"
- Dan Zadra

you, me, mexico, and my guitar

i just need someone to talk to.

someone who won't make me feel like the lowliest thing on the planet.





"For the most part, fear is nothing but an illusion. When you share it with someone else, it tends to disappear"
- Marilyn C. Barrick

i don't know why he's an opera singer

i'm so overwhelmed right now.

i've been so busy lately, and right now is when i'm getting swamped with assignments.

so, not good.





"Several excuses are always less convincing than one"
- Aldous Huxley

last thing i need first thing in the morning

she keeps asking me if i've been hurting myself. last night she wanted to know whether i'd taken to my own arm with a match.

she stopped talking to me when she saw i was wearing a bandaid on my left arm over the weekend. i bet she thinks that i have nothing to live for, so i may as well end it now.

i hate it when she does that.





"Perhaps there can be no perfection. Only levels of imperfection. Only differences. Each time we move closer and closer, but never can be satisfied. A piece is never complete, only at some stage abandoned"
- Peter Goldsworthy

brightest day, darkest night

you give the best hugs.

too bad i never see you anymore.

and the fact that you have someone else to hug you, and talk to you, and see you more than once every three months.

i miss the way we used to talk. and i miss knowing you.





"I know I'll never really get inside of you. To make your eyes catch fire the way they should."
- The Cure, 'A Letter To Elise'

i'm a psycho. whoa!

your sarcastic comments pretty much break me every time i hear them. why can't you just say that your proud, or that i'm doing something right.

all i hear from you is criticism.

it never stops.




"Don't you come near me. Don't you come close to me. Why don't you fear me? Don't dance so close to me. Because they won't let me stop now."
- Say Anything, 'Little Girls'

a mess of human insecurities

i'm turning into everything i said i would never be.

but i guess it's just the way everything works. i'll try to change. to be a better person. because right about now, i hate who i'm becoming.

"Where are you?/And I’m so sorry/I cannot sleep/I cannot dream tonight... I miss you"
- Blink 182, 'I Miss You'

my non-existent wonderland

isn't it strange how you can talk to someone for so long and realise that you know practically nothing about them?

it's that way for me.

but then you find yourself telling them all about your life and what's going on with you, and they say they understand, but they never offer anything up for discussion.

i just wish you'd open up and let me in.

maybe i'd make a good friend.





"Any idiot can face a crisis. It is this day-to-day living that wears you out"
- Anton Chekhov

gentle violence

don't drag me into your arguments.

i couldn't care less about you or your pety problems, so how about you just leave me out of it.





"Do not go around saying the world owes you a living, the world owes you nothing, it was here first"
- Mark Twain

rain, rain, don't go away

i miss when we were younger and everthing was so big.

i used to love looking up at the stars and imagining what was up there; i haven't even thought about doing that in over a year. everything's too complicated these days, and i'm not sure how to deal with it.

when does it start to get better?





"And why do I deny, the things that burn inside down deep, I'm barely breathing but you just see a smile"
- Paramore, 'Adore'

city, calm down

i don't know what it is; but everything seems a little bit more dull.

cuts don't hurt; the sun (what could be seen of it, anyway) isn't bright; voices are quieter; laughter sounds kind of forced; and nothing out of the ordinary happens.

i hate it here.





"But be careful; sand is already broken but glass breaks. The shoes are for dancing, not running away."
- Francesca Lia Block

that upset look you're giving me

... tells me exactly what you are thinking

i'm so sick of this. silence stretches on for miles and miles. uncomfortable and irritating. i hate it when we're silent; it always means something bad.

why is everything turning to shit?





"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves, that in the end we become disguised to ourselves"
- Francois de la Rochefoucauld

separation sunday

BANG BANG BANG!

THUD THUD THUD!

can't you just shut up for five fucking minutes

... you're giving me a migrane





"I won't be the victim, but the first to cast a stone"
- Avenged Sevenfold, 'Trashed and Scattered'

powdered demons, liquid lifelines

i've been up watching old school horror movies. so much gore... i love it!

but i'm kind of afraid to go to sleep

i guess that's sort of in the spirit of friday the thirteenth; but i'm literally terrified to shut off the lights and close my eyes. i'll probably be hacked to pieces by jason in my dreams (damn you Friday the 13th!!)





"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"
- Edgar Allan Poe

you say 'like' too much

so i got my learner's permit today

... is it bad luck that i got it on friday the thirteenth?





"Society honours its living conformists and its dead trouble makers"
- Mignon McLaughlin

keep on smiling

'cause this is what you wanted

...yeah





"Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living"
- Chuck Klosterman